I wanna bring you to show and tell
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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