How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
