if i can run in heels then i can drive
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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