Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
