I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
