Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
