3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
