If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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