with your own penis?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
