I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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