i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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