her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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