All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
