i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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