My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize