I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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