The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
