i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
