this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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