Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
