I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
