I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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