He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
worst night to have a conscience
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
