I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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