Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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