ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
