Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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