I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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