I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Be still, my beating vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
jump out the window naked night went bad
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
