apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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