I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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