so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
