Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
