i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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