she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
