ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
