I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
