I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
