I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
