i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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