my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
