It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
