i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize