clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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