he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
