Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
