I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
