remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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