VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
