Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
