we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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