on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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