i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
