I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I puked a lego.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
