Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
