I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
