Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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