Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
