Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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