There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
why is half of my head shaved?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
