yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
