There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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