Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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