um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
