and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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