My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Less talking, more tequila
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
