Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
