I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
