I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
