Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
