So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
