I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
