hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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