my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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