she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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