she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
