I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
