You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
