I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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