I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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