Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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