Your dad touched me again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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