I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
