Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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