honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize