I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
