whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
