if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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