omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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