I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The ass gains better be worth it
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