AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's shark week go big or go home
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize