3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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