i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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