I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
