My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
