Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
