hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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