yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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