I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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