I heard we made out
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There r osticjed everywhere
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
