I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
His nipple licking is glorious
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