I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
